UPDATED VIDEO: Christine says eating meatballs was more important to her than religion.

This week Bill Maher released another witch clip which offers us a tasty treat... and that's a one a spicy meat-ball!


Christine here reveals that eating meatballs was more important to her than God, when she says she decided not to stick with the Hare Krishna consciousness movement because she needed to "eat meatballs".

This is part of a classic riff about her many youthful "dabblings". Apparently she tried 'em all before deciding that her favorite flavor was Jesus; Buddhism, Hare Krishna, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (I assume), Witchcraft (still unclear whether she means wicca, or some other paganism or deism or whether it really was Satanism after all, what with the blood sacrifice midnight dating picnic dropcloth.) Perhaps even Tarvuism. More on that below.

Since she became a nationally known professional anti-sex celebrity "Christian" since her college days, one wonders when she had time for all this. Conclusion? She had to have been one of those wild try-anything girls in high school.

"Hey Christine, wanna come over and platonically make out (without lust of course) on my Satanic sacrificial altar? I know I'm a witch but I've been dabbling in Satanism lately so I thought you'd enjoy letting me "date" you on my blood soaked tablecloth here... Yes? You'll try anything once or twice or three times? Cool. You're a really good sport."




I'm going to have to save her fabricated educational resume for another posting.

In the meantime, enjoy a glimpse into the wonderful world of Tarvu. While CTTW was dabbling away in high school, she must certainly have dabbled a tiny dibble into Tarvuism, the world's fastest growing religion. Wouldn't you like to talk to an octopus? I know I would! Hebbo!

Say Hebbo! from Torvakian on Vimeo.

And, coming soon, I have found an early published essay by CTTW herself, on the delicious subject of virginity vs. chastity. Followers of this ye ole blogge will know that I'm using all my witch-locating abilities to try to discern whether CTTW is a born again virgin or if she has any idea what she's talking about when she discusses her favorite subject, SEX !!!
(How's that for a teaser?)

Ok, I can't resist, just one more little dose of Tarvu. It's so easy to join!

"Mice with fully functioning human brains"? Ask O'Reilly, who claims "I have the biggest head in the world!"

Welcome to the Monkey Realm! You'll know what I mean momentarily.

Hmmmm..... mice with human brains? Fully functioning human brains? Clearly this is something she would know a lot about after her teen years as a witch or satanist or just a normally experimenting young person who dabbled in the standard teen dating practice of having a "midnight picnic on a satanic altar... (there was a little bit of blood on there and everything!)" I mean, let's be honest, who among us can say they didn't do that once or twice way back...

Ok, almost all of us. Counting Christine, unless she's lying about that too! All of us then.

If anyone out there has been turned into a mouse, please contact this blog immediately. We may not be able to turn you back into a human, but we think we know people who can hook you up with your own reality show.

For the short of time or attentions span, here is the short and sweet version, with little to no context.



Here is the long version of the discussion. My favorite part?
Bill O'Reilly saying "Now they're in the Monkey Realm" 3:14-3:18 .... The Monkey Realm?! Can you get there through witchcraft? You betchya! Sounds like fun, actually. More fun than a barrel o'... and moments later he claims "I have the biggest head in the world!"

Very true, Bill. On so many levels.



For comic relief here is Cyeck Unger's brief riff on this. To his credit he cites an experiment reported in National Geographic and elsewhere that scientists have developed mice who can grow a fully functioning human brain cell, the probable source of what could have been a verbal slip in all fairness, though it could just as easily have been a mental slip... as in "I slipped on a banana peel, hit my braincell and now I can't remember the difference between a brain and a braincell"

She is immediately challenged by the unfortunately named Doctor William Morrone who says "That's an exaggeration"

If she made a verbal slip and meant to say "braincells" rather than "Brains" why didn't she defend herself when challenged as an exaggerator?
Speaking of which, soon we will look at her numerous exaggerations about her educational background. In the meantime enjoy the fluff, which is what you have in your head when you have a single braincell instead of a whole brain.

Christine says giving her nonexistent husband orgasms is the only reason she is here.

Today we take a peek into CTTW's post-witch-pre-professional-candidate-for-rent-money job, as head of her own "charity" promoting the many reasons to not have sex.

As well as opposing sex and condoms, CTTW's group made a big priority of preaching against masturbation. At the time of this posting there is no word on her position on the fact that fetuses have been filmed masturbating in the womb.

And while her strange nature-denying rhetoric seems amusing enough by itself, I am more interested in her deeply misogynistic view that the only purpose of a wife's existence is to provide her husband with orgasms, or that it is her job to relieve his sperm buildup whenever he needs it.

Look for the quote "If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself then why am I in the picture?" at the very end of the montage.

Of course the smart aleck could respond "What do you know about it if you're such a super-virgin?" But for me, this is a virulently patriarchal and misogynist viewpoint rooted in a deep insecurity and a belief that a woman's only worth is in the sexual services she can provide to a man. For someone so obsessed with the idea that most sex is evil, she puts an inordinately high value on the role of sex in a woman's self worth.

Woe be it to any man who marries her, because his prostate is going to be in trouble if she's not constantly ready to service his urges. Perhaps all those decades of supposed "abstinence" has built up an incredible backlog of sexual desire and she's ever so ready to spend the rest of her life servicing her husbands every erection...

This brings up another CTTW contradiction. She says that she does not have sex, yet she says she dated witches (yes, I pluralized witches... no one seems to be noticing that the quote was "one of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar" suggesting she had other dates with these supposed "satanic" "witches")

Did she date witches or satanists or both or whatever it was platonically? That doesn't sound realistic. Is she a virgin of the born again variety only?

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